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Where have i been?

Around the world, and now just standing by, watching.

An old love.
An old friend.

Nobody whom i'd fall for and not regret.

But i believe.

The Lord is good and He knows what i need and whom i could love.
We'd be a great team, and bring to His name glory, despite all our weaknesses.

 
If it's a matter of perspective, then anything can be a possibility, or improbability.

Lately, my dance friend R seems to be curious about me.
At first i was quite attracted to a possibility.
But upon realising he seems to be inclined towards an inability to recog his mistakes, to say sorry,
or to seem to want agreement from others, i started to feel uninterested and possibly more so if he continues to swing me around one more time.

sigh.

This has begun to make me feel that the Lord's ways are really not my own.

I will wait patiently and believe.
So right now, he's written back, and i realised that a part of me feels a lil bored about him.

He's challenged me, and that made me turn my head, but something about him trying to flow with me which is kinda sweet, but also kinda
predictable. A friend once told me, lil voices usually warn you about what matters from the start, and it's impt to be aware.

My mind often works slower than my heart. So i do wanna be more careful this time.

Then H sent me his pic. :(

Not so swell. But decent. I think. Looks a bit like J.

But a lil bit older. Ok maybe a lot.

I don't know.

Seeing J become a father, makes me wonder where am i going with all these quests.

Maybe i should just sign up for that W min in church. But it's like P said, so cheesy.

Sigh. What if i see M there?

Jesus, i believe in your plans. I don't wanna look back to old stories, i wanna make new ones.
And yes, I do wanna settle. I no longer just wanna have fun on my own.
I treasure my personal space, but i want more now.

i'm not sure if i'm ready, but I can't be settling for an old past, can i?

I decide to listen to the voice that brings me joy.

Well, not that there's any other choice.

He wrote back.

Amazingly, H acty wrote back! after my crazy 'road rage' email, so he calls it.

You know what i'd discovered about my latest phase of quest-ing? I'm constantly searching within myself. Getting to know my own reactions, thoughts as well as needs in a guy.

He really has to impress me in a way that i could always admire him. Not like he's gotta be a looker or anything. But i need to be able to respect him. And what really impresses me is when a man believes strongly in something. Not talking about it, but demonstrating it.

H seems pretty earnest. I think i gotta ease it a bit. He sounds a lil intimidated and confused with my inebriated conversations.

Musn't try too hard to be honest, it wouldn't be me either.

Finally, i've learnt that the impt thing in the search for the right guy, is to know that without him, you are also, complete. You need a companion, not a fixer.

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Well.

funny.

2 things happened within 2 days.

i was lookin to look for my own place.
preparing for a great spinster's life.
no compromise and a lotta beach. well, at least in my dreams.

but the dream got quirky.
got a mail from this guy on an online dating website who read my half hearted profile and tried to do a psychoanalysis of me.

i like some action in my life.
he pissed me off, and i relle wanted to piss him back.
well, wished we didn't care half as much.
i'm just gonna getta know this dude from a pal if he cares for any.

Kinda like the image of him squatting in some bookstore.
wonder if he looks bad.

The Right Attitude.

Nope, nothing special happened.

me as usual, refusing to be anything but myself.

went to the bookstore and picked up something as honest as i could to what i would actually get down to read now.
picked up a less popular paperback about a 32yr old woman who had a long term relp of 10yrs but said no to a proposal from her bf Adam.
That i can relate to.

If you're reading this for the first time, don't think that i'm some sad figure, unattractive and leading an unfulfilling life. Quite on the contrary, i'm doing all that i love and also have the liberty to. IN short, i love my single life.

But i do believe God made us to need a companion to share all that we are with someone else.
I also trust in Him completely to find me someone i could not just grow old with but grow up with. Experiencing all the difficulties and challenges of life together and walking in greater revelation of His love everyday.

Compromise is necessary in every relationship, but i refuse to compromise in anyone less than what God has in store for me.
If you're unhappy today with who you're with, work it out, or leave the person. If this person brings out the worse in you, you're cutting yourself
off from not just a happy marriage in future but the fantastic countless opportunities to experience the life we'd been given. I wish you all find a good partner to begin this walk together in life.

Yesterday H texted me, everyone deserves to be loved.

You know what, we don't. But we are, that's the beauty of second chances.

 

New quest, no quest?

I don't know man.

Things kinda dullen a bit.

I have a few things to do, get to israel, get to art class, get to greece, get to massage course.
Suddenly my mind is too happily occupied in the process of planning, that i have no quests.

But i'm goin out... takin this chance of a break.

God, i want favour too. Like the lady yesterday at her wedding who met her prince charming the very next day.
I realised i never quite asked You.
I'm not too happy where i am, not unhappy but just wondering where this will go, and i feel kinda lonely sometimes, even with good frens about me,... grant me the favour that only You know i need.

Thank you Jesus.

Oh and yes, i claim shalom in Jesus' name.
No virus is too unknown for u.

Writer's Block: RIP Michael Jackson

In honor of the King of Pop: What is your favorite Michael Jackson song?

Lovestruck.

I signed myself on a dating website to see what people do to getta know each other under such awkwardly bland circumstances.

I wrote up a really weird, pointless and uninformative profile and people actually responded.

So far, someone 7 yrs younger than me wrote to me, prolly in seek for a mother or a pseudo sis for some relationship advice, or he had some weird motive to get some cash outta me which ain't gonna happen since there's not much to begin with. Another discoloured smurf wrote to me and suggested i'd been hurt in a relationship before. duh. who hasn't? i recall the same sorta assuming remark when i was in my early 20s. Either i've grown to be more discerning, more cynical or just i just don't get the point of such mindless conversation.

I'm gonna hang in here and see what's gonna happen.

Some other guy by the nick of S asked for a photo without intro. How rude and uncreative.

I'm definitely enjoying myself on this.

Oh yeah. Next task rock climbing!!! yay!

Quest 4: Don't turn away.

I'm not sure if this is a valid task. But i am shy and when i sense someone lookin at me, i turn away.

The challenge here is to manage a smile.

:)

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